Unrequited love
by TrisanaLove
Summary: Just because you love someone doesn't mean they love you the same way, no mater how much you're there for them.


"Surely there was something we could have done! A sign that we missed!" Hange sobs out, for the first time not understanding why something happened.

 **Until I lost everything in the war against titans I believed the hardest part about caring for others was to pretend you didn't care so that they would never be hurt by my death. With Kimiko's death I realize that keeping distance isn't what is hardest. The hardest part of loving someone is caring for them and being by their side, no matter how much it pains you, simply because it makes them happy. There happiness is all you can hope for.**

" _Hi, you must be the new people. I'm Kimiko," she doesn't stretch out her hand to shake or even make much of an attempt to approach Farlan, Isabella, or I. I stare at her coldly both annoyed that she is talking to us and questioning her motives. I can tell that Isabella wants to respond but with a stern look she keeps quiet. We have a mission to do, we're not here to make friends._

 _I turn my attention back to the stranger, Kimiko, and look her over. She's in the standard uniform for the Scouts, most likely just finishing up her day of training. Her hair is a boring dirt shade of brown with everyday blue eyes. The only noticeable feature about her is the scar going across her left eye. It was long, but with it being in the corner section where the tear ducts are located it probably didn't affect her vision. Outside of that one scar her skin was an evenly tanned complexion with a dust of freckles over her nose. Such a plain woman._

" _I'm not one to normally approach people, but I figure you guys could use a friend among the Scouts."_

" _We don't need hand outs." I tell her discouraging any attempt of friendship. We don't need her or anyone. We wouldn't be here long enough to need them._

 **Kimiko was never one to be discouraged. She didn't actively try to get to know us but if she ever saw the others or I she was always polite and helpful. Even after the others died she was the one that stayed by my side. Years went on, I couldn't seem to get rid of her, but then I didn't really want to and she seemed to sense it.**

" _Commander is looking for you, something to do with the titan shifter." Kimiko sits down next to me, seeming to know exactly what to do without me even saying anything. "I told him not to bother you and that you didn't need his bushy brows bugging you any more than they already do." I smile internally picturing her saying those exact word since she more than likely did._

" _Did he have a reply for your outburst this time?" she shakes her head and grins at me:_

" _He just stuttered with a gaping mouth before walking away mumbling something about insolence around here." I laugh this time aloud. Kimiko seemed to have that effect on a lot of people. No filter between the brain and mouth. Personally I'm glad she isn't on my team. I'd be in for a world of hurt if that mouth was ever directed towards me. Only once had she put me in my place and after that I've left her to her own devices, she an independent woman that knows what she's doing._

 **Even in the darkest hours she was by my side giving me what I need. Not even once did she ask for anything in return, she genuinely just wanted to help me.**

" _I was looking for you," Kimiko tells me as she sits down next to me dangling her feet over the roof ceiling. She hands me a bottle of wine with her own bottle of whiskey in the other. Nothing else was said but she knew nothing more needed to be done._

" _I won't let their deaths be meaningless as another nameless death." I hurt. It was just like losing Farlan and Isabella all over again. Still I'm not good enough to protect those I care about._

" _Their deaths matter because it matters to someone. Heroic or just passing if someone dies and there is a person that cares then the death matters. They were our friends, our comrades, and they will be remembered as they give wind to our wings."_

" _You sound like one of commander's dumb ass speeches." She chuckles at my harsh remark on her pick up speech._

" _Yeah, well, unlike him I mean the crap that comes out of my mouth." she smiles and elbows me before taking a large swig out of her whiskey. She hurt just as much as I do. I see us both passing out drunk tonight._

 **I was so stupid all those years of her by my side and yet I couldn't tell when I was killing her.**

" _I'm asking her to marry me." At first Kimiko doesn't say a word at my sudden statement during our weekly cup of choice alcohol. Probably in just as much shock when I told her I asked Alison out. I never thought I would let someone in so much but it just happened with her._

" _I'm happy for you," she tells me finishing off her cup of whiskey in a single chug. I look at her a little put off since that isn't her normal drinking habit._

" _I want you to be my best man." She laughs but again something seems a little off._

" _Don't I have to be male to be a best man?"_

" _When have you ever cared about that sort of shit." She laughs again at me._

" _Maybe I'm starting to in my old age."_

" _Your 36, I'm almost 40!"_

" _And you're too old to be fucking or getting married to a 29 year old but I'm not judging any!"_

Leading up to the wedding Kimiko seemed so happy and normal. She even helped Alison pick out her dress and design the wedding decorations while helping me as my best man. I was so absorbed in myself and my own wants and goals that I missed how much I was killing her. She wanted me to be happy and out of her own sense of devotion waited until the wedding day

 **She always put me above everyone...**

"There wasn't anything you could do Hange so stop blaming yourself. Kimiko was dead inside long before anyone noticed it."


End file.
